I admit it. It's official. I'm hopelessly behind. HOWEVER, I will say this, our mission for this challenge is two-fold.

Our secondary mission (of which I have my work cut out for me to accomplish) is to attentively read the Bible cover to cover in 90 days.

But our primary mission is more people engaging the Bible more.

Working for a Bible publisher, it's easier to put another Bible on my shelf and "look" spiritual. But I think God wants more than that from me. He wants to see me IN His word, listening to Him, coming to Him first with my concerns, and considering first His response to the situations and circumstances of my life. And in this regard, BIND has been a success internally, even if it doesn't look as successfully externally.

This past week has been a challenging one in many ways. I hit a few financial and relational bumps in the road. I received unexpected news and disappointments I hadn't anticipated. And while I can't change the circumstances, I can control my responses to those circumstances. If I haven't spent the last 3 weeks THINKING about reading God's word (if not always getting in), I think my responses would have been different, and less pleasing to God. Neither situation is resolved, but the last 15 months have taught me to live in limbo. I still don't like it, but like so many of the stories we're reading in the OT, I can still choose to look for His presence, seek His pleasure and trust His plan. I wish God would tell me the answers to all the questions I regularly pose to Him, but then I suppose I wouldn't really recognize my need for Him.

A few years back I did an interview with Bebo Norman. Actually, it was maybe the third or fourth interview. Because our paths had connected often, our interviews were more like conversations, and as a result, we tended to wax philosophical.

The interview I had in mind focused on the idea of longing. The content so struck me that it made it into my book's chapter on choosing to love. Single til 30, Bebo wrote a song or two about longing for belonging to another. We talked a bit about how to reconcile desire with God's denial...or at least His delay. Bebo said that so much of our lives are spent trying to fulfill our longings, when in reality, God gave us those longings to remind us of our separation (lack of presence) from Him. They offer us an opportunity to thank God for the promise of our true homecoming (and the total, complete fulfillment of our desires). If ever we reach a point where we no longer feel that tug of want, we have fully denied the reason for our existence.

And so I'm okay with the fact that I can't take in information the way I used to, or focus my eyes and mind the way I used to, or depend on my mind's mental endurance the way I used to. I can still depend on God. He hasn't changed, and with my increased need, He is increasing His care. I'm okay with the fact that I now have this bill to pay that I hadn't expected. I enjoyed being debt-free while it lasted, and I'll get there again because God has shown me how to make wise financial choices and sacrifices. I'm okay with the uncertainty in my relationship because I am certain that God is at work, and no matter how it ultimately works out I am better for the experience. I'm okay with the fact that God may choose to delay my desires because I know He isn't denying His presence.